I think one of the biggest problems plant parent wannabes have is that they want a plant that will work with their schedule.

They want to water it once a week, rather than, you know, when it actually needs watering.

Or they want it in a cool pot, even though it has no drainage holes.

There’s no such thing as a green thumb — you either take the time to educate yourself about a plant’s needs, or you don’t.

In other news, my mother killed a snake plant.

A SNAKE PLANT.

She kept in the conservatory and it froze.

A SNAKE PLANT.

Bless her, she brought in inside when I pointed it out, and is currently waiting for a miracle.

The fungus-infested golden pothos and crispy peace lily remain in the conservatory, patiently awaiting their demise.